I Shouldn’t Have to Wait in Line—Because I Am the Line

Saturday afternoon. The grocery store is packed. Every aisle looks like a parade route, carts bumper-to-bumper, toddlers screaming, someone arguing with self-checkout.

I roll up with my cart—three items: almond milk, protein bars, and a bottle of wine I plan to finish before remembering I hate wine. The shortest line? Fifteen people long.

Nope. Not happening.

So I walk to the front, stand directly beside the conveyor belt of the busiest cashier, and declare, “Excuse me, I’m just going to start a new line right here.”

The woman ahead of me turns around and says, “You can’t just cut.”

“Cut?” I reply, offended. “Ma’am, this isn’t cutting. This is innovation. Why wait in an outdated system when I can create a new one? It’s called efficiency. You should thank me.”

Now the cashier looks flustered. “Sir, you’ll have to get to the back like everyone else.”

I shake my head. “No, no. I am the line. Once I’m checked out, others can follow my example. It’s called progress. Ever heard of Henry Ford? He made assembly lines. I’m making checkout lines.”

Some people grumble. One guy claps. Another mutters something about calling the manager.

Ten minutes later, after enough sighs and rolled eyes to power a wind turbine, the cashier just rings me up to make me leave. I swipe my card, grab my bag, and as I walk out, I shout to the crowd:

“You’re welcome!”

Because sometimes, entitlement is just leadership in disguise.