My Emotional Support Leaf Blower

So apparently there are “rules” about noise levels in co-working spaces. That’s news to me.

I showed up to my shared office suite with a double espresso, my MacBook, and my 3-speed turbo leaf blower. I use it at home to think. Something about the roar really helps me focus. Silence is for monks and sad people.

Anyway, I plug it in, fire it up, and aim it at the corner of my desk to simulate “idea turbulence.” Within 30 seconds, a guy in a vest — why is it always a guy in a vest? — comes over holding a clipboard like it’s a weapon.

“Sir,” he says, “you can’t run a leaf blower indoors.”

I calmly remove my AirPods. “I’m sorry, is this not a collaborative, innovation-forward environment?”

He blinks. “It’s a quiet workspace.”

I point to the company values poster on the wall that says “Creativity. Disruption. Boldness.” Then I point to my leaf blower.

“Bold.”

Now there’s a meeting. The building manager, two HR people from other companies, and some guy who just wanted to use the printer. I explain my position: the leaf blower isn’t a tool — it’s a stimulus. A muse. A vortex of innovation.

They ask me to leave.

I say that’s discriminatory against neurodivergent creatives who bond with machinery. I throw in that it’s my “emotional support blower.”

They say they’re calling security.

I say I’m calling LinkedIn.

In the end, I was “invited not to return.” But I left with my blower held high and my head even higher. I heard one intern whisper, “That guy’s a legend.”

Damn right I am.

Lesson Learned:
Innovation doesn’t happen in silence. And if they’re gonna call security, make sure your hair looks amazing when they escort you out.