The Battle of the Bogus Birthday
At age 23, I was the embodiment of good intentions executed poorly. My best friend, Ben, had recently started dating someone new, and he wanted to make a good impression on her. He decided to throw her a surprise birthday dinner. The catch? It wasn’t her birthday.
This wasn’t some innocent mix-up. Ben had heard her say she loved surprise parties and over-the-top gestures, but her real birthday was months away. His solution? Fake one. And because I’m nothing if not a loyal friend—and maybe a little too enthusiastic—I volunteered to orchestrate the whole thing.
Cue the planning: I secured a reservation at an upscale Italian restaurant, convinced the staff to bring out a cake, and even wrangled a few of our mutual friends to join. The night arrived, and I was fully in my element, ensuring the evening went off without a hitch.
When the “birthday girl” showed up, the look on her face should have been my first clue. It wasn’t joy, surprise, or even confusion. It was… discomfort. Ben whispered to me that she’d mentioned wanting a low-key night, but it was too late—the “Happy Birthday” banner was already strung across our table, and the servers were practically humming the tune.
Things escalated when the waiter brought the cake. The room erupted into a boisterous rendition of “Happy Birthday,” and the woman barely mustered a polite smile. The kicker? Another table, apparently celebrating an actual birthday, stared daggers at us. Their real birthday cake came out seconds later, and the awkward tension in the air was palpable.
Then came the bill. I had assumed Ben would cover it since this whole charade was his idea. Ben assumed I’d take care of it because I’d handled the planning. Our friends had ordered drinks and appetizers like royalty, assuming it was all on the house. So, when the check landed—a glorious $572—everyone looked at me.
Long story short, I paid. But not before frantically whispering to the waiter to split the check into payments across three cards. Ben and I hashed things out later, but he’s still banned from my Venmo. As for the woman? She ghosted Ben the next day.
Lessons learned:
- If you have to fake someone’s birthday, maybe you’re trying too hard.
- Always clarify who’s paying before the appetizers land.
- Never, ever overshadow an actual birthday party. That’s sacred ground.
And while I’d love to say this experience made me less impulsive, we all know that’s not true. But it did teach me that loyalty, while noble, should sometimes come with a little fine print.
