Discount Drama at the Grocery Store

Ah, 29 years old, full of swagger and convinced that the universe owed me a favor or two. It was a Friday the 13th, naturally. Nothing ever happens according to plan on this day, right? I was at the local grocery store, eyeing this luxury bottle of maple syrup. You know, the kind that costs as much as a small yacht for reasons no one can explain.

Now, I wasn’t about to fork over the full price for something that goes on pancakes. No, no. I was born in 1995, and by now I knew the art of… entitlement.

So, I waltz up to the cashier—confident, wavy hair perfectly messy (think “just rolled out of bed but make it fashion”), my blue-green eyes locking onto hers like I was about to unveil the deal of the century. Hot Josh mode activated.

“Hey,” I said, leaning on the counter with the casual grace of someone who definitely shouldn’t be leaning on a counter. “I’ve seen this syrup on sale before. Let’s call it $5 today, yeah?”

The cashier blinked at me. She glanced at the price tag: $15.99. She looked back at me. I gave her my best winning smile, teeth gleaming, as if those pearly whites alone could knock $10 off the price.

She just pointed at the giant neon sign above her that said, “Full Price Only!”

No room for negotiation, huh? But I wasn’t going down without a fight.

“Oh, come on. It’s practically robbery to charge full price on Friday the 13th! What if I slip on a black cat later? Help a guy out!” I chuckled, as though this logic was bulletproof.

The cashier, bless her, tried to keep a straight face. But I could see it—she was torn between laughter and disbelief that someone would actually try this. She hit me with, “Sir, unless you have a coupon, it’s full price.”

Clearly, I didn’t have a coupon. My face, however, read like I’d just been betrayed by the entire grocery industry.

In the end, I paid the full price because, as it turns out, charm doesn’t beat capitalism. The consequence? I walked out with a dent in my wallet and a bruised ego, but I learned a valuable lesson: No matter how much confidence you exude, neon signs don’t negotiate.

Lesson learned: Sometimes, the only thing more expensive than maple syrup is your pride.